The Return of Yehudah
Most of us know that King David, and as an extension Moshiach, come from the tribe of Yehudah.
Yehudah was a strong and powerful leader, who shined even among his incredible brothers. What makes him so great isn’t just his ability to lead, it’s his ability to admit when he messes up.
Nobody is perfect; we all make mistakes. The only question is if we can own up to our mistakes and course correct.
This is the power of Yehudah, the power of King David, the power of the Baal Teshuvah!
When his daughter-in-law Tamar was about to be killed for harlotry, Yehudah could have remained silent, and let her die. Nobody would have ever suspected that Yehudah was the father of her seemingly illegitimate children.
Yet Yehudah not only comes forward and admits that he messed up by sleeping with her, he even seizes the moment to admit that he messed up by not letting Tamar marry his youngest son.
He comes completely clean, owns up to everything, and doesn’t let his ego cloud his judgment.
This was an incredible spiritual feat accomplished by Yehudah, and we again see him pulling off a similar accomplishment in the beginning of Parshath Vayigash.
Having already admitted to himself that he sinned against his father by selling Yosef, he now takes a strong stand to protect Binyamin. In this short passage is hidden deep secrets of Messianic Teshuvah and Redemption.
Sometimes we know that we’ve messed up in the past, and yet somehow, beyond our very control, we seem to be back in the same predicament.
Not always do we even have the strength and power necessary to win the battle.
So we look up to Hashem and we say:
״בי אדני ידבר נא עבדך דבר באזני אדני ואל יחר אפך בעבדך כי כמוך כפרעה… אדני שאל את עבדיו לאמר היש לכם אב או אח.״
“Please, your highness, let me say something to you personally do not be angry with me… You asked if we still have a father or brother.”
Hashem, with all due respect, You started this whole process.
You put us in this predicament; You placed us on this world in the situation that we’re in. You sent us down to this physical world with a pure and holy soul.
This holy soul is represented by Binyamin. Binyamin, the one brother who didn’t sin through the sale of Yosef, the tribe in which the Beit Hamikdash resides. Binyamin is the young innocent brother, the little jar of pure oil, that final drop of holiness within each and every one of us. Somehow even that little drop gets dragged down into Egypt against its will, and runs the risk of being captured by the forces of darkness.
That’s when Yehudah, the symbol of prayer and repentance, the progenitor of King David, cries out in prayer:
״כי איך אעלה אל אבי והנער איננו אתי פן אראה ברע אשר ימצא את אבי״
“For how can I go back to my father if the lad is not with me? I cannot bear to see the evil misery that my father would suffer!”
Hashem, how will I come back to You after 120 without that piece of me that is holy and pure!?
״ועתה ישב נא עבדך תחת הנער עבד לאדני והנער יעל עם אחיו״
Hashem, I’m willing to give it all up, but please don’t take Binyamin! Please don’t take that drop of holiness from me!!
It is at that moment that we manage to reveal the deepest depth of revelation, the revelation that God is there with us. The realization that the one who has been pressuring us, is really our beloved brother.
We aren’t being punished, just realigned and repositioned in order to access our true selves.
In that moment, what we thought was the hardest test suddenly becomes the most magnificent gift. We see the purpose of it all and our own personal growth through it; we see how it’s all meant to be. In that moment we say ברוך הטוב והמטיב even on death itself. We reveal the inner essence of Hashem and are subject to a complete paradigm shift.
It is through this shift that the Talmud states:
״אמר ריש לקיש, גדולה תשובה שזדונות נעשות לו כזכויות״
Raish Lakish says, “Great is repentance, that the wicked deeds become like righteous deeds.”
Indeed, we see this reality playing out by both scenarios of Yehudah’s teshuvah. The moment Yehudah admits he made a mistake with Tamar, these two seemingly illegitimate children become his two sons! The second his repentance is accepted by the viceroy of Egypt, he finds out that the viceroy is really his long lost brother!
On the verse:
״ועת צרה היא ליעקב וממנה יושע״
“It is a time of distress for Yaakov and from it he shall be saved.”
The Arizal explains that on a deeper level, the verse is saying “from it”, aka from the distress itself, will come the salvation.
It is often through the very problem itself, that we discover a deeper truth; a realization that the issue is really a gift through which we can achieve new growth.
May we all be able to own up to our mistakes, and through it reach lofty spiritual heights!
