Attacking The Wrong Person

“Do you think that just because your Rebbi molested you, you can wear whatever you want?” he asked me. 

I was shocked. 

At that stage in my life I was used to receiving negativity from people who were somehow offended by my dress. 

I’m not sure if it was the dark brown sweatshirt or the Israeli sandals that bothered him, but being told off for my unusual clothing was nothing new to me. 

My shock came from his presumption that my attire was somehow related to a deeply traumatic experience, and that reminding me of the pain I went through would somehow assist me on my spiritual journey. 

“How dare you speak like that about my Rebbeim!” I replied. ”I learned in amazing Yeshivas and had some of the best mechanchim ever!!”

I thought my reply would throw him off, but it didn’t have that effect at all.

“Your rebbe molested you, your mother abused you, same thing.” he retorted. 

These were the sagely words of “Rabbi” Feldheim, a “Chinuch/Kiruv Professional” from Lakewood NJ. 

Trauma may very well play a key role in a person leaving their religious roots; for if a person is happy where they are, they’ll usually stay there — and vice versa. 

At the same time, the idea of telling someone off for running away from a bad experience is sickening. 

Does Hashem want people to stay in an unhealthy situation or circumstance and suffer through it in a masochistic fashion?
Does Hashem really want us to attack people who were abused? To yell at them and tell them how horrible they are???

The correct response to finding out that someone was abused should be giving them a shoulder to cry on. 

If that’s not something you’re comfortable with, instead try to ensure that it doesn't happen again—to anyone, anywhere, ever. 

You should be enraged at the injustice that was done to them! 

Let them worry about the effect it has on their life.